Tuesday 1st November

I have a friend in Michigan who gave up watching soap operas on tv once she met me. Her reason was that what happened to me was more over the top than any tv soap opera could ever imagine. I’m starting to believe her.

I finally heard from my daughter, after 8 years or so, having never seen nor heard from her in that time, apart from a brief 5 minutes as I was leaving at Damians wedding. She’s getting married on the 11th November in Queensland, to Matt, who couldn’t even bring himself to say “hello” to me at Damians wedding last May.

I’ve been invited to the wedding, as more of an afterthought to give her the excuse that “oh, we invited him but he never came” and not tell anyone all I got was 2 weeks notice, and I would have to get my passport renewed, and pay out close to $2,500 in airfares, accommodation and travel costs to get there. Like I have $2,500 just laying around in my back pocket as spending money on short notice.

I realise I’m horribly old fashioned, I actually asked Stefs father for permission to marry his daughter, we were both 24 at the time, but it was the way things were done, and while it was more courtesy, it was still something that added to the value of what we were doing.

I guess things have changed, and now you can be as rude, impolite, ignorant and downright rude to your brides parents and think nothing of it.

I wish her well, pity she has lost her father, my Mum disowned Mel long ago, and refused to see or acknowledge her before she died, I’ve had to make the same decision and disown her as well finally, despite spending the last decade writing to her, without a reply, and trying to keep some communication open.

Damian and Mel
Peter the Plumber and I have been putting up election billboards for the coming election, he’s a strong Labour Party man, with Green leanings, after the time I spent in the Green Party, and having worked within the Labour Party before that, and now voting National, we have some interesting discussions while we’re driving around Golden Bay putting up signs. And we’re putting up Labour Party *Damien O’Connor Labour* billboards. I’ll probably vote for Damien as the local electorate representative, and give the party vote to National, both of us agree the Greens are a waste of time now they have gone all Global Warming and trying to stop any industry/development or improvements.

I’m not in favour of a lot of both parties policies, but more against the Labour parties ones, if that makes sense. They want to increase the minimum wage to $15, for unskilled and fresh off the unemployment employees. With the costs involved, payroll tax, holiday pay, ACC levies, PAYE, training, etc, you need that new employee to be producing $1600 of value in the first week to cover your expenses. Like that is going to happen. All that will happen is that unemployment among the unskilled will increase, there will be a bigger pool of totally unemployable people, who live off the benefit, and taxes will rise to cover the cost of paying out for more unemployed

My version is that the minimum wage is set at $20 above the basic benefit, at present it is $201 per week, and PAYE doesn’t start until $221 per week and then only on the $ above that. At present we pay tax from dollar one, no discounts, personal allowances, and both major parties expect people to start saving. This is after increasing GST to 15%, no wage rises for nearly 10 years that I know of, I actually earn less in dollar terms now than I did 15 years ago, my annual income 15 years ago was $15,000 more than it is now, and I have less than I did then.

And ok, I do lead a gypsy lifestyle, and give away a lot of stuff, and travel and work at jobs that don’t pay much. I get $18 per hour, plus overtime at the farm, I charge out between $22 and $25 per hour for gardening depending on distance from here, expenses are petrol at $2.29 a litre, my Council rates at $1200 approx a year, electricity, about $180 a month, telephone and internet $120 per month, repair and maintenace of equipment, I’m just up for $560 to replace a 6 month old lawnmower, and I’m having to replace the defunct grass cutter as well at $890. Then there is the hedge trimmer, another $650, and I spend $220 average a fortnight on food. I don’t count Tuffy the Wonder Dogs expenses, I class that as mental health related expenditure.

We’re having the usual Bainham Spring weather here at present, which means the rain only comes sideways once a week, and falls straight down the other 6 days. The rivers are flowing well, which is both good and bad. It flushes out the river beds, which gives the trout good egg laying stretches, but causes too much flow for the whitebaiters along the river as the whitebait are trying to run upstream. I’ll get photos of them once I take the camera out, I’m wary of it being in the rain, and trying to get batteries for the Nikon F50 film camera is almost painful here, they have to be ordered in at the pharmacy, and I never seem to be in town on the right day.

AI (artificial insemination) has started at the farm, we’re putting about 20/40 cows a day out of the herd as they come into season for treatment, drafting them out of the morning milking, treating, once the AI person arrives about 9am, then putting back into the herd in the afternoon. We’ve started to recognise the cows coming into season, they kick, stamp and are in general a pain in the A*** to deal with. Brigid and I have gone back to spraypainting a large K in blue on the udders for kickers, and I end up persevering with them to get the cups on in the mornings. So far I’ve been lucky and dodged any damage, but it comes close as the unpainted ones go into season and lash out without warning.

For people that aren’t morning persons, you’d hate the milking shed when Brigid and I are working. We have a choice between, we’re milking cows, we get shat on, pissed on, it’s 4.30am, it’s cold, it’s wet, it’s a crap job, or,
We might as well make the most of this, so lets have fun. I’ve mentioned the Indian Herd Manager before, to say neither of us have a high opinion of him is probably an understatement, we do a mean imitation of him, dressed in a gold loin cloth, singing Heartbreak Hotel, or imagining him as Lord Krishna with his Gold Loin Cloth, little round fat belly, calling to his little Poppadom. Plus the off colour one liners, jokes and in general sending up anyone and everything.

The jokes run from fairly average to not fit for work, and beyond, in amongst it all, we do manage to get all the cows cupped up, notice any with problems, from lame to mastitis, keep the shed clean, and still leave smiling in the mornings.

I did tell Brigid the other day that I was going to stop all of this frivolity, because people would start to think I was some redneck bigot, and once she stopped laughing, and rolling on the floor, she said, “But Warren, you ARE!”

So I called her a dumb blonde bitch, and she said it was only blonde out of a bottle and she was really an incredibly intelligent brunette, so I asked why the F*** was she milking cows at 4.30 am on a wet cold spring day if she was so intelligent, and she said it was because fecking bigots like me that expected women to be on their backs and chained to the kitchen sink and to just shut up stopped her from running the country, and I replied that if she was running the country instead of being at home looking after her husband and servicing his needs then she would be the one causing the problems, so she squirted me with the wash down hose, and I tipped the bucket we have of hot water over her.

Then we both stopped laughing, and got back to work, singing Heartbreak Hotel, with added emphasis on the “UGH UGH”

Insanity is contagious, we have attacks of it every morning.

24th October

Good lord, it’s been a month. Things have settled down finally milking, my ribs have healed, the lung infection I picked up from not breathing too deeply because of the broken ribs has gone, I’m almost on top of the garden finally, after feeling like death warmed up for the last few weeks.

I’m still doing the mornings milking, 4am – 8am, we’ve got all the herd going now, 1250 of them in 2 herds, herd 1 has all the small cows, Jersey crosses, half Freisan etc, and herd 2 has the larger more steady milkers, mostly Friesan and freisan X Holstein. We’re the first on the milk pick up run, so we have to be milked out by 7.30, so far it’s been possible, but not by a lot of leeway. I’m usually just starting to hose the yard down as the truck arrives.

We’ve had a few minor snow falls, nothing spectacular anymore, just dusting along the tops, and a few good heavy frosts in the Valley. My tomato plants in the polytunnel are looking healthy, beefsteak, potentate, roma and some old variety that Peter the Plumber passed on. I’ve got a dozen mixed chilli plants going, habanero, serrano, long red, cayenne and thai birdseye, with more started as seedlings. Hopefully the green/red/black and yellow capsicums sprout as well.

Cucumbers are sprouted, and the courgettes (zucchine) are through, I’ll put a few in the polytunnel, the rest I’ll plant out when the weather settles.
Destructo the Insane, otherwise known as Tuffy the Wonder Dog still keeps active, chewing holes in everything, and slowly demolishing anything wooden in the house. My good winter jacket now has a pocket shredded, I left some dog snacks in it after taking him for a walk, so he spent the night chewing his way through the fabric and lining to get to them. I was not impressed.

We’re in the whitebait season now, although the local fishermen aren’t having a lot of luck yet, another week or so they all seem to be saying, or hoping, or wishing. Still, the birdlife is collecting food along the river and estuary banks, spoonbills, herons, cormorants etc.

My pet wekas have successfully bred this year, I now have 2 families of about 4 in each, I say about 4 in each as they tend to mix up a lot, and I’m never sure just how many I’ve counted or missed. Tuffy has finally stopped chasing them, we have had several “discussions”over chasing fowls, and wekas.



Other than all the above it has been a quiet month, and I’ve not actually done a lot lately, other than snap the shaft on the lawnmower hitting another rock coming through the lawn, so the lawnmower is a writeoff, it is going to cost more than a new one same model. I had a word with Kevin at Hammer Hardware, and he can get me a demonstration model, used a few times for 50% discount, so I’ve gone for a larger mower with a bigger motor, cuts, mulches, side throw and collects. Marked down from $1,100 to $550. To repair the other one was going to be $868, and the same model retails for $589 new.

Rose Don and Tuffy at the Bainham Store

Monday 26th September

After the Pajero blowing the headgaskets, getting my hand damaged, I was hoping the run of bad luck was over, but it seems to continue on. I caught a kick to the chest last week, resulting in 2 fractured ribs, which makes life bloody painful at the moment, but ok, I’ve had fractured/broken ribs before and they do heal. Finding painkillers that work for the few weeks it takes is harder, and I can’t be bothered going to the doctors about it, so I’m taking large amounts of ibuprofen at the moment.

We’ve got most of the recalcitrant cows drafted out of the herd now, and sent to Hickmott Road farm. I doubt they’ll settle down there either, but at least we don’t have to deal with them.

I started mowing my lawns today, after getting David and Judys done last week. About halfway through and I hit a boulder that has started to pop up and promptly snapped the driveshaft off the mower. Bad news is that it isn’t covered under warranty, as it is fairly obvious I’ve hit something a lot harder than grass, sheared the keyway, and made a large ding in the cutter bar. It is either replace the motor, or get a demo model that they special off. Kevin at Hammer Hardware reckons he should be able to get me a good deal on a larger mower, for about 50% marked price from the demo models. I’ll find out later this week. Just what I needed, and I didn’t win Lotto either.

Took Tuffy for a walk down to the Aorere last week, well, we’ve been going there for a few days now, initially I went down to see how the James Road bridge replacement is going, photos in here, and then we went down the track to the river.

The swimming hole is a lot bigger now, the few high water flows have shifted a lot of rocks around, and there is now a really good sized pool out of the main river to swim in. It is still snow melt water, and it is cold!

I’m thinking I should have bought a house bus instead of trying to settle down in one place. The expenses keep coming, last Friday I wondered why I had no hot water at 3am, when I tried to have a shower to wake up, so had that in the back of my mind all morning milking. Got home, took the panels off the hot water cylinder, luckily it is outside and easy to access, and found that the worst case and a blown cylinder or thermostat wasn’t the problem. The outlet pipe, copper 20mm, had 2 pinholes that were spraying water like miniature firehoses. Turned the water off, took the pipe off, found Peter the Plumber home at Rockville, he did the original installation a few years back apparently, and made another length up to fit, back home, installed and back to hot water again. My next power bill is going to be horrendous I know, the heating element would have been on continuosly while it was leaking.

We’re feeding out hay to the cows as well now. The fresh spring growth from the grass is great for milk production, but it plays havoc with the cows digestive system, at the other end. We don’t get cowpats anymore, rather a very liquid high pressure jet of liquid fertiliser spray back about 2 metres from the rotary rails. You have to be alert if you don’t want to be covered in a long jet of hot smelly shit.

The native pigeons are all back in the neighbourhood after the spring blossoms on the trees, as well as the Tuis and Rifleman. I’ve got 2 pairs of Tuis nesting in the camellias, and some very fat looking pigeons feeding off the trees the last week or so.

There is still some snow scattered on the tops, but it is fading quickly, but we can still expect some more before the end of October although the Aorere Valley seems to miss on a lot of the really cold weather. We do get rain though, I think it is the highest average in the area when it arrives. But even that is temperamental on where it falls. I’m in the middle of the valley floor and the rain often tracks along the hills to either side, two or three hundred metres away from the house. I can be in brilliant sunshine and watch the rain band hitting the hills at the end of the road.

Tuesday 13th September

I’ve been living on ibuprofen the last few weeks, my hand hasn’t really healed up, still sore to touch the knuckle, added to which another kick from a sweet looking Jersey heifer last week on the side of my wrist, and I’m not a happy camper at all.

We’re starting earlier and earlier lately, to get ready for Daylight Saving, so it is a 3am wake up and starting milking at 4am now. There are still 400 cows in calf, about 900 in the 2 milking herds, and 30 in the colostrum herd, which varies depending on how many cows calve each day.

I had my first day off on Sunday, after 4 weeks of milking, plus managing to get some of the gardens done in between morning and afternoon milking. I’m only doing Mornings now, apart from weekends, but the weather hasn’t been all that co-operative lately.

Tuffy the Destructo Dog is still growing, his feet are starting to look almost in proportion to his size, but still bloody large. He is getting better, but still races around the house like a mad thing every night before he goes to sleep. I always know when he’s done something he shouldn’t when I get back from milking, and he doesn’t come to the door to greet me. Usually it is one of my work boots or the toilet brush that he has taken to chew or play with, and I find him sitting on his bed with a poor sad dog look on his face.

Tuffy meets a hedgehog.

I found a NASA photo of the snowstorm that hit New Zealand a couple of weeks back, the little patch of green in the centre left is Golden Bay, well, more the Aorere Valley than all of Golden bay. We were the only place with sunshine and clear skies the whole time.

We’ve got snow up on the tops again this week, and a cold wind coming up the valley, with sunshine, drizzle and rain in between the sunshine. Crazy place for weather.

I’ve lost out on the Naked Possum venture, Jocelyn had to sell out in the end, so I’m back to trying to get my own nursery going with native plants and ornamentals. If only it was as easy as it sounds on paper. There’s never enough money when I have the time available to get things done, other than the spade work, and I’m working too sporadically to get ahead at the moment. Still, there’s no great rush as the usual comment is here, if not this year, then next. I’d like to get it going yesterday, but I’ll have to settle for doing it in bits and pieces when I can.

Managed to get some of my pictures from Virginia posted on another website www.joepastry.com, of the Aldi water mill in Virginia. Joe had a few posts about stone ground corn, so I sent the pics along to him, and he posted them up. It’s the best website I’ve found for good bread and baking related recipes and hints.

Being out in the Valley where I am, you realise how much you depend on neighbours, well, ok, some of the people that live out here are almost hermits, but the majority of us like the isolation, with some people contact. David and Judy just down the road from me, retired couple, have been really sick the last month with a flu like virus that has knocked both of them over, so I’ve been calling around every other night when I walk Tuffy past their place to make sure they are ok. They’ve missed the Book Club Meetings for a while, so I’ve been letting everyone know how they are till they get back on their feet and can come along. Judy plays piano/piano accordian, David is learning piano accordian, so we are organising a get together at my place soon to drag my accordian out, plus Davids, and start playing again. Which means my hand had better heal up soon.

The café and the General store at Collingwood are both up for sale, the café needs a revamp, I doubt it has been upgraded for 40 years, it still looks the same inside as it did when I first came down here in 1967. I think it is only the leasehold for sale, while the General store is for freehold sale. The Store has its own bake house attached as well, and what used to be a café/snack area as well. The price keeps dropping, anyone with the money and a desire to live in one of the nicest places in NZ is welcome. Ok, over winter there isn’t a lot of traffic, but October to May is busy.

Tuffy at the beach last Friday

Thursday 25th August

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks again. Calves dropping all over the paddocks and in the milking shed and yard as well. I had one nearly land on me in the milking shed, just managed to get the rotary around to the exit opening in time to pull the calf out, otherwise it could have been difficult. By the time Sean got the ropes and back up with me, I had most of the head out with the forelegs, after that it was easy. Another bull calf, bugger, it’s heifers we want not more bloody bulls.

I’ve finally got what I wanted with hours, I’m only doing mornings now, which leaves the rest of the day free for gardening jobs, and now I have 4 permanent gardens to do, plus get stuff ready for the Naked Possum, I’m happy. 3 – 4 hours in the mornings milking, usually finished by 8.30, home for breakfast, then 6 – 7 hours gardening.

We missed all the snow and bad weather here in the Valley, while the rest of New Zealand was getting snow and rain, hail, sleet, we had clear blue skies, some frosts in the mornings but nothing to get overly excited about. You didn’t notice the cold so much, although the 20 litre buckets of hot water by everyone in the shed helped. I was putting my hands into the water every few minutes to keep them warm.

I’ve mentioned previously about the new cows coming through the herd that have a habit of kicking when you’re trying to put the cups on or take them off. One finally got me really well on Tuesday. Her hoof caught my hand between the backing rail and her hoof. Only my middle finger took most of the force, it was enough to make me faint though, which according to Vanessa the next day was very impressive. She was talking to me one minute, the next I was flat on my back on the steps. Ended up going into Takaka Helath Clinic and getting it lanced to let the blood out, and to have my knuckle checked, it felt not quite right. It wasn’t broken though, just a bit bruised and swollen, so I picked up a packet of ibuprofen from the supermarket and I’ve been in a happy daze since.

Tuffy is growing taller, he’s now 18” high at the shoulder, still trying to fit into his feet though, they are bloody huge.

Pictures from Collingwood Beach again, I take Tuffy there most evenings for a run along the beach and I get to walk at my own pace.

Friday 12th August

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, I haven’t had time to spare, the gardening jobs I have been doing have fallen to one side, I have had phone calls asking me to look at others, but I’ve had to turn them down for the present.

We have 400 calves born so far, with another 1,000 due over the next couple of weeks, we’re milking 400 cows, sorting out the new mums every morning from the expectant herds, drafting the cows with problems, like mastitis/swollen udders, blood in their milk etc, which makes for long days. I’m starting at 5.30 every morning lately, till 10.30, then back again at 2pm for another few hours.

So far, I’ve helped pull 3 calves out, and one on my own. Take my word for it, it isn’t as easy as it looks on a video. Tie loops of rope around the hooves, if you can reach them, without your arm being squeezed to breaking point by the cow, then get the calfs head started out, then pull as hard as you can, and hope the cow is going to help by contracting. Score so far is 1 dead, 4 alive, the dead one was breech, and had died inside the cow, which didn’t help in getting it out.

Tuffy is growing fast, he’s nearly knee height now, and we have had several “discussions” about what he is allowed to do, and what he is not allowed to do. Unfortunately, he seems to think that if I’m not here, he can do anything, then look all sorry and woebegone when I get home and find the house strewn with chewed cardboard, my sneakers, the cane side on the lounge 3 seater chewed, and in general, mayhem evident all over.

With the hours and long days everyone is working there are the usual grumpy tempers and short fuses happening. Our Shed and calf manager had an altercation yesterday, and she told Mike to stick his job up his arse, and left, our Herd manager is on extended leave, for the time being, after 3 weeks, he isn’t proving to be a worthwhile investment, so it is back to the usual crew on the far, although we now have 2 Uruguayan workers, and Thomas the Argentinian back with us for a while.

It’s winter, so the weather is continuing to be warm, sunny, cold freezing, snow, rain and bloody miserable at times. I’ve been taking Tuffy to Collingwood beach most afternoons to wear him out. He’s getting better at not chasing everything, and is starting to come when called, and sitting instead of jumping up on everyone, although that is going to take a while longer to get sorted I think.

I got involved with the local book club here as well. It's not all that fussy about who joins obviously, we meet every fortnight at a different house, discuss what books we have read lately, pass books around for others to read, borrow from everyone etc. As well as have a small supper during the talking. It was at my place this week, I made a 3 layer chocolate torte with Chantilly cream, coffee cream and pecan nut cream with a pure chocolate topping. There wasn't much left. I also have a decided respect in future for Davids home made Plum wine. I'd had a couple of glasses of Merlot, then thought, hmmm, plum wine, ok, I'll have a glass of that. At 10 pm everything sounds like a good idea at the time. At 4am when you're trying to wake up to go to work in the milking shed, it seems like a bloody stupid thing to have done. I asked him Wednesday night what proof he thought it was, and it is close to 20%, and here I was having not one, but 2 glasses because the first one seemed so good. On top of the Merlot, it made watching the rotary go around with the cows on decidedly eye watering. Not to mention that sea sick feeling when you know that telling yourself it isn't a good idea at the time would have helped.

Saturday 30th July

Well, the week started off with good intentions, and most of them got done. Finally got all the rose gardens at Pah Road dug over, took 10 bags of horse manure so far, they need another 5 at least though. Started at Rockville, new garden to do, well, I mean, it’s an established garden, but new for me to start on. A lot of older rubbish trees and shrubs that were planted as a shelter for the camellias and azaleas to be cut out, and some Pieris japonica to be cut back as well. The Pieris had been pruned, but cut too high, so instead of a nicely shaped bush, they were tall lanky trees. Not any more, hopefully they will sprout again.

Tuffy had his first ride on a quad bike, around the farm to the rubbish pit. He took to it like it was normal, sat on the back tray for a bit, then discovered that if he sat on my lap, with his front paws on the petrol tank, he had a better view and didn’t get wobbled around as much.

He’s good to take on the jobs, I put my Swandri down, and he doesn’t go far away from it, even if I’m away out of sight for a while.

Had a good day at Kaituna, Paul from Takaka turned up with his wood chipper, so we got stuck into pruning the overgrown trees back, and chipping the branches as they were cut out. He is going to pass on the pruning jobs and general garden stuff now, that he gets out this way, rather than him driving out to the valley from the other side of Takaka.

The cows are dropping calves in the paddocks, found one that I was hoping would resuscitate yesterday, the caul was still over its nose and mouth when I got home, it looked fresh, and felt warm, but after I cleared the caul off, and tried getting it to breathe I had to give up. I think it had been a bit too long before I found it.

Back to milking tomorrow morning, 5.30am start, only 200 cows at the moment, but taking about 3 hours to go through with the amount of milk they are producing. Which comes in handy and helps pay for the Pajero.

Took Tuffy back to Collingwood beach this morning, in an effort to wear him out for a while. He found a grey cormorant, and thought he’d do the big brave dog and chase it away. The Cormorant just sat there then pecked him when he got close enough. So he’s a bit wary of them now.

The local kids build beach huts along the beach, with all the logs and stuff washed down in the January flood, some are quite substantial, and they seem to have a lot of fun building them

We’ve had a beautiful day here today, I’ve got a lot of seedling trees from Rockville to use for the hedge, mostly Pittosporum crassifolia and Matai, all good hedge trees, provided I get them to survive. I’ve still got about 300 Nikau to get from Pah Road, once I get some planter bags and mix for them.